Cardboard Priests

The following letter has been sent to us by a reader.

Cardboard Fabrications Ltd

Dear Sirs,

We are sure that you have come across our extremely successful products already. Among our lines are cardboard police cars to discourage speeding, and cardboard policemen to deter shoplifters, as well as other standard lines.

Following on the success of these we are pleased to announce that we can now supply cardboard clergy...

The cardboard Priest is invaluable to hard-pressed clergy who need a holiday. It is life-sized and comes in progressive, middle-of-the-road and the Tridentine models. It is especially effective when stood behind the lectern. Field trials have shown that when a cardboard Priest was installed without the congregation knowing, 40% of those later questioned had noticed no difference, while 25% said there had been a considerable improvement.

Soon we hope to have available a cardboard Bishop which can be placed in the diocese while the real bishop is away at home. Trial models have been installed for same time in the Bishops Conference without being detected. One is even said to have made a short excellent speech, which was actually related to its topic.

Our cardboard congregation is already on the market and selling well. Its response to homilies is indistinguishable from the real thing, and it has the positive advantage that when volunteers are called for nobody makes a dash for the door. In some churches there has even been a marked improvement in the singing.

We recommend our quality products for your consideration and hope that you will find that they are just what you have been looking for.

Yours faithfully,

C. Board,
Marketing Director