Viewpoint: "I had a good life, but now there is no life."

Amal Zaqout, Credit: MAP

Source: Medical Aid for Palestinians

This latest in the series 'Voices from Gaza', produced by Medical Aid for Palestinians (MAP), comes from Amal Zaqout, Community Programme Officer, who is currently sheltering in Rafah. Amal is a single mother of two sons and has been working with MAP for seven years. In this blog, she recounts her experiences over the last six months and what she misses most about her life before Israel's military onslaught on Gaza began.

Before the war I had a life. Yes, it was hard sometimes, but I had friends, family, I would go out and do things. I was studying for my master's degree and working. Life was good, even though it is difficult in Gaza with Israel's blockade, but I made a life for myself. I didn't have a fancy life, but I had a good life. Now there is no life.

Before October, the blockade meant I always had an issue with electricity shortages at home. But I installed a solar panel and my family had a full water tank. So, it didn't even cross my mind that we would have to leave our home. Why would we?

Then one night, my nephew called me - it was 3am. One of his neighbours had told them that Israeli forces had called and said that they were going to bomb his home, and that they should leave immediately. My brother and his family ran to our home. You can't imagine the state they were in. They didn't have anything with them, just the clothes they were wearing. When they tell you they're going to hit your home, you imagine that it will happen right then and there, so they left with nothing.

We didn't sleep that night. The next morning, we got a message from the Israeli army that they were opening a road and telling people to leave. There was a big argument; I did not want to leave my home, my kids didn't want to leave either. I was scared for them yes, but they would be with me. They're young men, 22 and 24.

My brother said something to me which really changed everything for me: "Leave while you still are able to leave." Those words scared me. I began to imagine, what if Israeli forces come, and what if they hurt my sons or take my sons.

So we left and went to Rafah - we have relatives there so we went to stay with them. That was the first move. We moved between two houses in Rafah.

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It's almost impossible for me to communicate with other people now, including my colleagues at MAP. Even just reaching my family has become difficult. I speak to the MAP team when I can, asking if there is something I can help with. I have helped to procure mattresses and other supplies for internally displaced families, and now I'm helping to establish medical points in different parts of the south.

I miss so many things. I miss waking up in the morning and taking a shower in my own home, drinking my coffee, going to work and seeing my colleagues at the office and then going home and living a normal life with my children. I wish with all my heart that I can see Gaza as it was. I want to stand right next to the sea, not see it from afar.

I wish that the war will end. Enough of the killing, of the death, of the loss. I don't want to hear the sounds of bombs anymore, every day that's all I hear: explosion after explosion, you can't even sleep. Everywhere you go at every time of the day you hear bombs. I wish for the war to end.

Amal Zaqout

Community Programme Officer in Gaza, Medical Aid for Palestinians

Link: www.map.org.uk